The Missing Moccasin

Yesterday as I arrived home,

I changed out of my running shoes

and prepared to slip into my moccasins when

to my prodigious vexation, I discovered

that one sole moccasin lie before me.

I thought to myself:

What fresh hell is this?

I could not be rockin' in, just one moccasin.

My priorities were set indefinitely askew.

No longer could I put so much effort into rhyming.

At least not until my moccasin was found!

The mystery of the missing moccasin was curious.

Very curious indeed.

With my ice cold logic I determined

that one two things could have happened to my missing moccasin.

As I predicted,

aliens could have invaded earth

and started removing one part of

every pair on the planet

as to destroy the human race

by means of frustration.

However, a pair of shoes remained

beside my lonely moccasin.

Therefore only one thing could have possibly happened

to my missing moccasin

It must have been stolen.

But by who?

Someone who seeks to destroy

my sleek and sophisticated style?

Highly possible.

I've had a theory for quite some time now

that my microwave is an alien robot

disguised as a microwave.

My suspicions began on April 22^nd 2009

when I first used it to make popcorn.

The time was two minutes and thirty seconds

whereas standard time for popping popcorn in a microwave is 2:45.

When my strongly worded letter to the manufacturer

received no response,

I became suspicious.

My suspicions were amplified on November 23^rd 2010

when the power went out.

The entire house went dark

but I could have sworn that

the microwave stayed on for a fraction of a second

after the power had gone out,

suggesting that it was not powered

by electricity but by

an advanced alien technology.

So the microwave was high on the suspect list.

Other suspects included the government, terrorists

and of course Bob Ross.

Ever since I had harshly criticized

one of his paintings on my online blog,

I'd been sure he'd been plotting his revenge.

All of a sudden I heard a meow from behind the armchair.

I walked into the living room to investigate

and found my cat sprinkles with my missing moccasin.

Apparently I had forgotten to feed her

that morning and she had taken

my moccasin as a hostage.

What a hilarious misunderstanding.