Sunday, 9 September 2012

The Missing Moccasin

Yesterday as I arrived home,
I changed out of my running shoes
and prepared to slip into my moccasins when
to my prodigious vexation, I discovered
that one sole moccasin lie before me.
I thought to myself:
What fresh hell is this?
I could not be rockin' in, just one moccasin.
My priorities were set indefinitely askew.
No longer could I put so much effort into rhyming.
At least not until my moccasin was found!
The mystery of the missing moccasin was curious.
Very curious indeed.
With my ice cold logic I determined
that one two things could have happened to my missing moccasin.
As I predicted,
aliens could have invaded earth
and started removing one part of
every pair on the planet
as to destroy the human race
by means of frustration.
However, a pair of shoes remained
beside my lonely moccasin.
Therefore only one thing could have possibly happened
to my missing moccasin
It must have been stolen.
But by who?
Someone who seeks to destroy
my sleek and sophisticated style?
Highly possible.
I've had a theory for quite some time now
that my microwave is an alien robot
disguised as a microwave.
My suspicions began on April 22nd 2009
when I first used it to make popcorn.
The time was two minutes and thirty seconds
whereas standard time for popping popcorn in a microwave is 2:45.
When my strongly worded letter to the manufacturer
received no response,
I became suspicious.
My suspicions were amplified on November 23rd 2010
when the power went out.
The entire house went dark
but I could have sworn that
the microwave stayed on for a fraction of a second
after the power had gone out,
suggesting that it was not powered
by electricity but by
an advanced alien technology.
So the microwave was high on the suspect list.
Other suspects included the government, terrorists
and of course Bob Ross.
Ever since I had harshly criticized
one of his paintings on my online blog,
I'd been sure he'd been plotting his revenge.
All of a sudden I heard a meow from behind the armchair.
I walked into the living room to investigate
and found my cat sprinkles with my missing moccasin.
Apparently I had forgotten to feed her
that morning and she had taken
my moccasin as a hostage.
What a hilarious misunderstanding.

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